census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
