Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
