I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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