is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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