I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
