Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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