I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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