Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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