tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
