i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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