You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
