its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
