So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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