Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
