Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
