I puked a lego.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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