I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
