I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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