I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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