i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
