I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
