you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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