franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
