forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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