Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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