ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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