I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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