Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
