Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
