My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
