70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
