Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
