I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
