So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
