Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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