i just wanna soil my oats bro
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
