he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
