6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
two words: eviction party
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
