Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
