Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
