wrigley field is MILF paradise
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
