i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
