she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i now understand why vodka
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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