I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
