I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
