I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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