sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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