I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
