Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
