so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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